‘Give me the words that tell me nothing…’

You wanted to talk to me. In the same way as I wanted to talk to you. It didn’t help that we were always surrounded by people who loved us, who showered affection on us like we were their cats. (We were two cats, kept by perfectly nice people who knew how to love, and maybe much better than us. They filled our beds with fresh flowers when we’d be asleep, left long, coloured feathers alongside letters on the side table for us to wake up and read. I had close to 300 feathers in my bedside drawer when I walked out of my marriage.) Us cats would be attending parties and soirees and all manner of everything together those days, gliding up the walls and across the ceilings in our minds to come face to face with each other. Your eyes chased me, held my gaze, then tied me up with the ropes of some song playing inside your head. You’d light up at one end of the room; I would leave my body and join you there; if someone saw me then, he would notice my face gone blank, my eyes two empty rooms connected by a jammed door. And for all these risks taken, you’d reward me with silence. You wouldn’t say a word, just smiled a thin-lipped smile. I would feel loved and mocked, wanted-unwanted, all at once. You would have me in knots of the most romantic variety. And, by the next morning’s post, you’d send me the song you’d tied me up with.  A dirty postcard with a box full of burnt-down cigarettes. I loved sniffing the remains of your nicotine breath.  ©MinakshiThakur 2013

Postcard: ‘In a manner of speaking’ sung by Nouvelle Vague.

In a Manner of speaking
I just want to say
That I could never forget the way
You told me everything
By saying nothing

In a manner of speaking
I don’t understand
How love in silence becomes reprimand
But the way that i feel about you
Is beyond words

Oh give me the words
Give me the words
But tell me nothing
Ohohohoh give me the words
Give me the words
That tell me everything

In a manner of speaking
Semantics won’t do
In this life that we live we only make do
And the way that we feel
Might have to be sacrified

So in a manner of speaking
I just want to say
That just like you I should find a way
To tell you everything
By saying nothing.

To look up the band, click http://www.nouvellesvagues.com/MUSIC.html .

Hum ek hi andher nadi ke do patthar hain

nistabdh hawa mein

kateeley manje ke

dhaage se tanga hua

ik din

tumhari kameez ki cuff mein

zid par adaa hua

turntable ki sui sa atka hua

ik din

nayi chitthi sa purane patey par

zehen ke kaaley bazaar mein

awara bhatka hua

ik din

Ik din

joh kuch sunta nahi

kuch kehta nahi

Ik din

joh ruka rehta hai

apni saansein rokey

Ik din

jise pata hai

tum raat jalaane ko

bas kuch taarey

batorney nikle ho

alok varsh toh hamare liye

maamooli sa shay hai

hum ek hi andher nadi ke

do patthar hain

behte bhete paas

aa hi jayenge

ik din

bas abhi laut aaoge tum

hamare tanha antariksh

ko roshan karne ka saaman liye

©Minakshi Thakur 2012